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Loving Without Spoiling – Don’t Scare Them, Teach Them

I was browsing around the internet for good read when i bumped into this book excerpt. The book is entitled “Love Without Spoiling” by Nancy Samalin, who also authored Loving your Child is Not Enough.

I was curious about the book’s content so I checked out the excerpt. Below is a sample, in which she discusses how to teach your child “not to talk to strangers” rule – in a way that the child won’t be scared, but learn instead.

Nancy Samalin's "Loving Without Spoiling"

“… Your goal is to educate them, not scare them.

THE BASIC RULES

Be sure to explain what a stranger is. Don’t assume your child knows. Then go over the basics:
- Unless you are with a parent, don’t answer questions from a person you don’t know.

- Don’t agree to help a stranger, even if he seems upset or in trouble. Get a trusted grown-up or call for help instead.

- If a stranger offers you candy, gifts, or a ride, or asks you to help him find his lost puppy, say no and run away. If a stranger, relative, baby-sitter, or family friend tries to touch you or makes you feel funny, tell a parent or a teacher right away.

- When you’re alone in the house, if someone unfamiliar calls and asks, “Is your mother home?”, reply “She can’t come to the phone. May I take a message?”

Allow plenty of time to talk to your child about safety rules. Don’t wait until he’s about to go out the door by himself. A child of five or six is able to understand these guidelines.”

And then Nancy suggests to have a role-playing scenario, where in the parents will give a sample situation and see what the child’s response will be.

She also emphasized on maintaining familiar routines for children – it will help them have a sense of order and predictability. Also don’t force them to do what they don’t want to – like having them repeat a nursery rhyme she recited a few minutes ago to a friend of yours. She also mentioned that while a parent and a child is in an unfamiliar place, the child will tend to be clingy and you can assure her by saying you’re watching closely so the child will feel safe in the presence of others.

Telling children what to expect when on travel or family trip will help children settle down and minimize tantrums. Mentioning to them what exactly to expect – like “Aunt Carol doesn’t hear well, so you might want to speak louder when you talk to her but don’t shout.” – gives them instructions on what to do in a nice way.

Nancy also discussed that parents can teach their children to refuse politely if they are offered something they don’t like, for example, foods. They might say, yucky or like that and a parent can explain that the one offering might get offended upon hearing those. Instead, teach them to say, “No, Thank you”.

Personally, I think it is a good and educational book. I am now purchasing one online – a definite good help for a single parent like me.

[tag]loving without spoling, nancy samalin, don’t talk to strangers, rules for children, raising toddlers, educational parenting book, parenting book, book for good parenting[/tag]

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