Explaining Money Problems to Your Preschooler
The economic downturn can force uncomfortable situations on parents, like having to tell their 5-year-old that she can’t have a big birthday party with all her friends this year because otherwise there won’t be enough money for groceries. Suddenly forced to deprive their children of material items, it’s natural for parents to feel like they’ve let their kids down.
But even more troubling for children than the one-time disappointment of a canceled or scaled down celebration are the on-going feelings of financial and emotional uncertainty that parents may unknowingly project to their preschoolers when they lose a job, car or the family home.
Since youngsters may become fearful when their family is facing financially shaky circumstances, parents need to help their children feel secure, even if adult members of the family are feeling anxious over the situation.
A 20-year study of 450 families hit hard by the severe farm belt recession in 1980 showed that the emotional effects of financial woes on young children can be considerable, often triggering depression, anxiety, adjustment problems and poorer peer relationships.
Yet, how do parents paint a realistic picture of their family’s current financial condition without creating more uneasiness in their children?
“It is a delicate balance,” said Evelyn V. Martinez, executive director of First 5 LA, a child advocacy and funding organization. “But any changes in a family’s patterns, like a parent staying at home because of a job loss, call for an explanation, even to very young children.” Martinez said that in the absence of facts and reassurances, young children in particular, tend to imagine the worst.
“Children 5 years and under often engage in what is called magical thinking,” explained Katie Fallin, PhD and early childhood development expert. For example, in a young child’s mind it is very possible that it rains because the sky is sad. Or, they may assume that if they’re losing their house, they will also lose their parents. She suggests that parents present the facts briefly, honestly and in a matter-of-fact way to their children.
Preschoolers take their cues about how to feel from their parents and it helps to “normalize” your family’s problems by putting them in a broader context said Fallin, also a research analyst with First 5 LA. To preschoolers, a parent might say, “You know how your friend Johnny couldn’t buy an ice cream cone yesterday? Let’s talk about why that happened.”
Ten Tips to help your preschoolers better handle family financial crisis:
1. Don’t hide the truth.
2. Acknowledge your worry.
3. Keep an open dialogue.
4. Economize in a way that’s clear and fair.
5. Stick to routines.
6. Set a budget.
7. Reduce conflict.
8. Reduce stress as a family.
9. Tune in to your child’s emotions and, if necessary, ask for help.
10. Offer hope.
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