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Is Yelling at Children As Bad As Spanking Them?

Posted by
October 22, 2009
parent and child

Image by k.Akagami via Flickr

It isn’t always easy being  a parent.  While there a many times where it is wonderful and fun and all is well with the world, there are still some times when you or your child may have a bit of a rough patch.  Perhaps it’s the fifth tantrum that day, or they just don’t want to go to bed, maybe something else altogether.  Those times happen, they are normal in any family.

Sometimes a parent will yell at their children, naturally we don’t want to but it’s something that is very likely to happen. While most of us may wind up feeling guilty, to some it’s akin to spanking.

According to the owner of Positive Parenting (in the New York Post)

“This is so the issue right now. As parents understand that it’s not socially acceptable to spank children, they are at a loss for what they can do. They resort to reminding, nagging, timeout, counting 1-2-3 and quickly realize that those strategies don’t work to change behavior. In the absence of tools that really work, they feel frustrated and angry and raise their voice. They feel guilty afterward, and the whole cycle begins again.”

The website offers online classes to help parents no to yell at their children.  In the Post article yelling is proclaimed ‘the new spanking’ in terms of socially acceptable behaviors.

Does that ring true to you?  Is yelling at your child as bad as spanking them?

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  • Mat

    So if a kid is walking toward a busy highway, you have to tell them quietly to stop? Gawd i hate over protective parents

  • PDeverit

    Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:

    Child buttock-battering for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

    Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

    I think the reason why television shows like “Supernanny” and “Dr. Phil” are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

    There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn’t a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

    Plain Talk About Spanking
    by Jordan Riak,

    The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
    by Tom Johnson,

    NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
    by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

    Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit http://www.nospank.net.

    Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn’t a good idea:

    American Academy of Pediatrics,
    American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
    Center For Effective Discipline,
    PsycHealth Ltd Behavioral Health Professionals,
    Churches’ Network For Non-Violence,
    Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
    Parenting In Jesus’ Footsteps,
    Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
    United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

    In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

  • http://www.notquitecookiecutter.com/ Dawn

    PDeverit, those are very fascinating, and make very good points. Admittedly, I wasn’t aware of a few of those issues involved that you have mentioned.

    Both PDeverit and Mat also highlight an issue that bothered me originally about this topic, the comparison between the two seems to be a bit over dramatic. While I’m not referring to screaming at your child for three hours, or abusively- a yell in some situations can be called for (as with Mat’s example).

    People tend to compare apples to oranges a lot, especially with things like this that are a topic that can be a debate easily.

    Sure, spanking and yelling can both be a form of punishment but they are vastly different.

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