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Dating A Single Parent?

She’s (or he) is everything you have always dreamed of- funny, smart, a fantastic listener.  The only thing is, they have children.  Could this ever work out?  What should you do?

First off, dating a single parent is a lot different (in many cases) than dating someone without children attached.  You as the potential girlfriend or boyfriend do have to understand some things will be different, but there’s no reason it can’t work out.

As a single mom myself, I’ve come across some people who didn’t understand a few of the things below.  It’s a good and early sign that the future with these people just wasn’t feasible, and that everyone involved was in for a very bad time.  Yet there are people out there that will understand and will make a great match (if you are reading this looking for advice, that’s a great sign right off the bat).

The ‘rules’ below are in no particular order, and may not apply to everyone.  This is just a general guide for dating a single parent, and if you are in doubt about something- ask them!

• Drop the drama.  It’s a good sign that this person has been in a relationship before considering they have a child.  If you are planning on playing games, better off not bothering.
• Don’t assume they are looking for a mother/father for their children.  This is where many people seem to misunderstand.  More than likely your potential sweetie isn’t looking for a stand in father or mother.  It’s a good way to poison things right off the bat if you start acting that way.
• Point blank, you aren’t the children’s mother or father.  Sure things may work out for the long term and you will be the step parent, until then respect your position.
• Don’t discipline their kids.  Point blank: Don’t Do It.
• Respect the ex.  Don’t badmouth the children’s other parent especially in front of the children.  You still have to respect the fact that they are in their children’s lives.  You don’t have to be best friends, just give them basic human respect.  Jealousy, insults, and all that has no place in that dynamic.
• You won’t be number one.  The children come first, no matter what.
• Don’t tell them how to raise their kids.  Generally speaking, they know what they are doing.

While things may work differently, these are the things that a few parents have wished that potential partners knew.  There isn’t any reason that the two of you can’t work it out and be happy.

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Related posts:

1. The Sorta-Super Parent
2. Single Parenting, The Realities
3. Are you A Licensed Parent?
4. Are You A Helicopter Parent?
5. Single Parenting: Coping and Rearing

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